Summary

The Adventures of a Solitary Soul - H. J. Sharp

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Dream 5 - The discovery of the local library

From the age of seven to nine, I began to ask deep questions of the adults I came into contact with, my mother of course, but also neighbours and some of the teachers at school. I suppose that the stimulus for my questions was the guardian Angel and the light in the garden which caused the consternation of the two women. I began to realise, however, that the adults which I questioned, did not really have any answers, at least none satisfactory to me. I began to realise more and more that ordinary people "believed", behaved, and expressed feelings in accordance with what they had been told they should. In other words their early upbringing had been a programming phase, the results of which they took for reality and from which they could not escape. I began to notice that I had thoughts that were grossly contrary to the program and these produced an intense feeling of fear and discomfort. This is what I suppose is called "guilt". I began to realise that nobody, but nobody, could know my inner thoughts unless I told them what they were. This knowledge needed effort to sustain because it was against the program. The program said that grown ups, particularly one's parents and God always could tell what one was thinking. With effort I began to be able to escape from the program. It was only the watching Angel who knew what I was thinking.

And then around 1931, at the age of 9, I discovered the local public library. This was in Shirley, on the main road into the centre of Southampton, and about two blocks away from where we lived in Shirley Avenue. I got my mother to sign my application form and from then on every few days I began to address my questions to those who had gone before and left us the written word. While I could not ask questions directly, I could at least read what the great ones had concluded.